From Fear to Personal Power (5/13/2012)
From Fear to Personal Power
By Rev. Mandy Iahn
My friend’s former roommate, Kerin, has some real problems. She’s unemployed, 2 months behind in the rent and constantly in fear of running into the landlord. The man she is dating has recently begun making excuses for why he can’t get together, and whenever Kerin talks to her mother on the phone, they argue. It seems as if nothing is going right for her, and she often laments how she hates her life.
Those of us who have to listen to Kerin’s tales of woe want to feel sorry for her, but she makes it difficult. The main reason is because Kerin isn’t doing anything to change her situation. She’s just crying about it.
One day, I sat down with Kerin and asked her what the problem was? Why was she going out late all the time and waking up late every day instead of looking for a job? Why was she not talking to both her boyfriend and mother anymore instead of trying to work things out? We sat there for a moment, silent tears streaming down Kerin’s face, and then she finally said, “I’m just so scared.”
Kerin had gotten to the point where she was afraid to deal with life. Too many things made her anxious, and she felt powerless to change her circumstances. It was as though the sky were falling. She didn’t have the confidence to do anything, and even if she did, she didn’t know who she was or what she wanted to do.
Many people seek to move from a place of fear to empowerment so I have outlined three steps to take you from fear to personal power:
1.Confront the fear. You have to look into the face of your fear and see it clearly for what it is. Just an obstacle in your path that you can handle. You don’t need to hide or feel ashamed or doubt yourself. You can approach any situation. Handle it the best you can, and that will be enough. Most situations are manageable. We just get afraid when we’ve never confronted them before, and we are not sure how to handle our experience. But, you can handle it. You will not die. You will simply learn, and more painfully, you will grow. If you want something, you go after it. No excuses. That’s no fear.
2.Decide what toYou need a course of action, and it’s up to you to decide what that plan is going to look like. You should figure out the end results that you want, and then, when you have made your decision about what your future will look like, you start planning from the beginning. You see your destination and you learn to walk there. It’s kind of like being on a golf course and walking towards that 18th pin. When you tee off, you hit a nice, long straight drive down the fairway. Then, you walk to your ball. Now, you can see the pin. You hit another shot, walk to your ball and take aim again. When you reach the green, it’s time to go in for the kill. You putt the ball. It falls into the cup! It’s as though you knew what to do at every juncture, your steps took you in the right direction, and you were spot on with your instinct, your intuition.
3.Implement the plan. Now, it’s time to execute, to take action. You know what you want, and you aren’t afraid to go get it. It’s time to put the plan in motion. The first thing you do is take a step. One step leads to another and before you know it, something really exciting has happened. You don’t know where it will lead, but you have a good feeling that it will definitely lead somewhere that you would want to be. Now, you are one step closer to having the reality you envision in your mind and the feeling you crave in your heart. Take another step. And another. Repeat. That’s all wise action is is walking forwards with purpose and insight.
There will be hurdles though. There will be times when the road seems impassable. There will be times when the water is too high. There will be times when your spirit wants to quit. Or when it wants to fight. Through it all, embrace. Take it in and don’t let it hurt you. Nothing can hurt you if you don’t let it. Jump each hurdle as it comes in your path, and even if one knocks you down, get up and finish the race. One hurdle is not enough to keep you down. Keep running while breathing deep. Relax into the flow of movement. That is taking action. Relax and keep moving forward.
After the disciples healed in Jesus’ name, they were arrested and put in jail. When they were released, the disciples did not become afraid and go into recluse. Instead, the disciples became bold. They let their light shine. Bold means being courageous. It means being willing to give all of yourself without hesitation or self-doubt. It’s the action, the walking forward, the running, the flying that we are capable of when set in motion. To be bold is to live fully. The disciples were living fully when the Holy Spirit descended on them, and they became bold.
I pray that Kerin can learn to be bold. I pray that she stops feeling afraid and that she realizes she’s just as good of a person as everybody else. She has just as much to offer. Inside, she already knows what she has to do. Go back to school, but she’s hesitant to make the investment. Instead, she’s investing in nothing and squandering her life. These are precious years for us to be building. We can build up. We can build expansive. But growing is not optional; it is what we are here to do.
Let’s grow healthy. Let’s grow strong. Let’s move away from fear to people who own their power, and therefore, own their life.
Where Is God’s Grace and Who Is It For? (04/22/2012)
Have you ever asked someone for something, and the more you asked the less that person wanted to give it to you?
I had this issue with an ex-boyfriend and flowers. At first, when he didn’t buy me flowers, I just dropped a hint that they would be nice sometime. When no flowers came, I gently asked him, “Do you think you’ll ever buy me flowers?” When the flowers still didn’t come after two years, I straight up told him, “Buy me flowers!” But by then, it was too late. He didn’t want to give me flowers because I was commanding him to do so. Finally I stopped asking or mentioning flowers at all. And you know what? About a year later, he bought me the most beautiful flowers I have ever seen. Part of what was so beautiful about them was because they came freely, as a gift from the heart.
By definition, gifts of love are given freely apart from demands or threats. And grace is no different. Grace: God’s love freely given.
But let me ask you these questions: Do you believe that God is withholding anything from you? Do you believe that there is a God who can give you something, but at this particular moment is not giving it to you?
I know I have thought this way many a time, and it has made me very angry with God. “Why aren’t you doing this for me?”! I’d cry. “Why aren’t you helping my friend?!” I’d pray.
The problem was, I just didn’t understand the nature of grace.
Grace isn’t rationed out little by little when we get the prayer just right or when God feels like we have suffered long enough.
A spiritual teacher named Joel Goldsmith wrote in the 1960’s, “There is no God that can be induced to do anything especially for you or for me, no God that will move out of its orbit to do something for any one person that [God] is not at this very moment [already doing for everybody]” Goldsmith says, “Release yourself from the belief that there is a God withholding anything from anybody, anywhere, for any reason.” (Goldsmith, Joel. Our Spiritual Resources. Pg. 2).
Instead we are to tune into God’s grace which is already everywhere for everyone. “Tuning in to God is similar in a sense to tuning in to radio or television. There are not different programs for each home. There is just one program at a time going out from any one station, and anyone who tunes in to that station can receive that particular message. In like manner, God is forever expressing God… God is forever expressing truth; God is forever expressing life; God is forever expressing love; and when you tune in to God, you receive [that truth, that life, that love] (Ibid. Pg 7).
In this way, prayer is not about asking. It is about opening and receiving. Goldsmith offers this prayer in his book, Our Spiritual Resources, “Thou all-knowing Wisdom, Thou divine Love, forgive me for having intruded in the province. I offer no advice; I make no suggestions; and I ask for no favors. Thy grace is my sufficiency in all things” (Ibid. pg. 10).
We need not ask for God’s grace, but the reason is, we are never without God’s grace, like we are never without air. As the psalmist proclaims, Where can we go from God’s spirit? Or where can we flee from God’s presence? If we are in heaven, God is there. If we are in hell, God is there. If we are in NYC, God is there. And if we are in Siberia, God is there. If we are happy, God is there. If we are miserable, God is there. God and grace are everywhere and for everyone all the time.
So what should we do besides set God free from our grace demands?
How about consent to grace? Accept grace as already in your life just like you accept your strongest held convictions. What is something that you are certain of? That the sun will set in the evening? That your child is a miracle? Or for the cynics among us, as Ben Franklin said, “In this world nothing can be said to be certain, except death and taxes.”
Whatever you’re sure of, know that it is God’s good pleasure to give you all that God is. The stars run their course. The ocean has its rhythm. Nature follows its cycles. Grace envelops us all. There is nothing being withheld. Be certain of that.
Life WIll Surprise You!
Rev. Mandy Iahn
Doubt covers the whole world with a fog. It is a cloudy lens that distorts reality into something gloomy. Doubt eats our optimism so that we start one step behind all those with positive attitudes. The negativity that comes from doubts sets you up to fail.
But we all do it; we all doubt. Because we have all been disappointed and we are disillusioned with expecting something better to happen than what’s been happening. Also because we have never seen the ideas we have in our minds come to pass and so we begin to doubt that they are even possible.
Thomas doubted because the thing that happened was so inconceivable, and without proof, forget it.
Thomas thought, I’m not going to believe it until I see it. Thomas said, “Until I see the mark of the nails in his hands, and put my finger in the mark of the nails and my hand in his side, I will not believe” (John 20: 25). He wanted proof!
No one can blame Thomas for doubting that Jesus had risen from the dead. Some of you might doubt as well. Resurrection is not something people expect to happen, and it’s natural to doubt that which we rarely or never see happen. Yet, doubt is a spiritual sickness that the Holy Spirit is continually trying to heal in all of us
.
When someone spine is damaged, doctors pronounce that they will never walk again.
When a woman has several miscarriages and the doctors run tests, she is told she will never be able to have a baby.
When kids are labeled as slow or disturbed, their parents are told they will be lucky if their kids ever finish high school, draining parents’ hopes and dreams for their child’s future.
When a prisoner is released, their parole officer expects to hear of another conviction.
And yet, it happens that people with spinal injuries do learn to walk again.
And yet, it happens that woman who are pronounced infertile do conceive and bear a healthy child.
The kids who no one thinks will succeed do. They surpass the expectations of those who doubted them.
And the incarcerated can be set free and contribute as decent members of society.
What we once considered the norm is not the norm at all anymore. Limits have been broken. Expectations surpassed. What we once doubted possible has proven itself to be possible. Life does surprise us!
What does Jesus do for Thomas? He comes and gives him exactly what he needs to believe. Jesus says, “Put your finger here and see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it in my side. Do not doubt but believe” (John 20” 27). And that is what Thomas did. He touched Jesus. He touched his scars so that he was sure it was Jesus Christ rose from the dead. And he believed! Thomas reply, “My Lord and my God.”
Thomas life changed when he had proof. His whole way of seeing the world changed.
It’s all about how you see. Through the eyes of doubt life is not as rich or vivid. The sky is not as blue. The sun is not pleasant when it’s shining. You don’t even notice the trees or stop to smell the flowers. It is as though you are sleep walking through life.
But through the eyes of faith, life comes alive and anything is possible. You wait with hope in your heart and you open your eyes to ever person, to every tree, to every flower. You look up at the sky and think, “Man, that is beautiful.” You find an outdoor café or roof deck when the sun is out and enjoy the warmth and light.
Yes, the eyes of faith are where it’s at.
Albert Einstein said, “There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle. I prefer the latter.” There are two ways to look at the world. One is through the eyes of doubt. The other is through the eyes of faith. I prefer the latter. How about you?
On the Winning Team! (4/8/2012)
On the Winning Team
By Rev. Mandy Iahn
The tulips are blooming. The trees are popping. And the sun is shining! It is as though earth knows what heaven is up to.
And yet, sorrow still holds its place in this realm. My second cousin, Jamie, had a stroke on Friday at the age of 15! A stroke at 15! He will never play his favorite sport of Rugby again. And poor Trayvon. He will never play again. As if these things aren’t bad enough, the revolution for freedom in Yemen has turned into a massacre.
In light of all this, it is hardly notable that one, simple man was killed some 2,000 years ago. One more crucifixion in Rome was not history in the making, and Jesus of Nazareth surely wasn’t the only innocent man who hung on a cross.
And yet, we know his story better than we know almost any other. How the crowds shouted, “Crucify him.” How the sun refused to shine on that fateful day. How the curtain of the temple was torn in two after he uttered his last words, “Father, into your hands I commend my spirit.”
What makes Jesus story so exceptional is not his death wrought by human hands. We have come to expect such foolishness from ourselves and others. What makes Jesus story so exceptional is his resurrection, made possible because God’s love and power is greater than any horrible act humanity can commit, because (as the old hymn proclaims) God’s grace is greater than our sin.
You see, Good Friday is about what people are capable of. Easter Sunday is about what God is capable of.
Easter is packed with meaning and its implications for our lives are numerous. For the young or the young at heart, just the awesome details of the story produce wonder: that the stone was mysteriously rolled back, that angels sat in Jesus’ tomb, that Jesus stood in the garden on the 3rd day and talked with one of his best friends, and that she, Mary, saw him alive after she had seen him dead. Just the story itself is enough to wake you out of your spiritual slumber if you have the eyes to see and the ears to hear.
For the experienced seekers among us, the story’s details, while rich, are nothing compared to what the story means for us as disciples. Experience in this life may have convinced us that death has the final word, but Easter makes us question our certainty. Like Paul we cry out, “Where o death is your victory? Where o death is your sting?”
We realize that it is God who has the victory. It is life that wins. And we say to ourselves, if God raised Jesus from the dead then nothing is impossible for God. Not mortgages, not marriage problems, not infertility issues, not chronic illness, not chronic pain. Because of what God has done in Jesus Christ, we know that anything is possible for us as well.
For the disappointed, the depressed and the doubtful among us, the Easter story proclaims the mindset we have been missing. We find hope in this idea that there is life after death. That there is joy after suffering. That there is a new story being written. While we are trying to figure out our lives, this Easter message breaks in and announces to us, “Because he lives, you also shall live.” Yes! We are no longer held captive by spiritual death but are resurrected with Christ to new life.
And for those who are drawing near to the end of their life on earth, they remember Jesus’ words on the cross: Today, you will be with me in paradise. And Easter for those in this realm is the promise of a future and a new existence. They know that they are headed to the mansion, and they are confident and secure because Jesus has paved the way home.
Easter is a grand proclamation by God that life will not be simple or easy, but it will lead to great rewards in this life and in the next. Christ had to die in order to be resurrected, but resurrected he is!
On this day, Jesus wins. God wins. Life wins. We win. And so now we must ask ourselves, how will we live into the Easter story? Because grace (and the messages of Easter are the very definition of grace) requires a response from us. Now what?
It’s time for us to live like winners. No more walking around with our heads down and shoulders slumped, apologizing for who we are, what we say and what we do. Our team just won and we need to share the glory and the victory with everyone and everything. We need to put our joy out there.
I’m not talking about being conceited and prideful. I’m talking about sharing the love, celebrating the life, proclaiming with exuberance the happiness we feel.
You’ve probably seen a sport’s team celebrate after a hard won victory. In football, they dance in the end zone and dump Gatorade on the coach’s head, in basketball they cut down the nets, in baseball they rush the pitcher’s mound, in soccer they tear off their shirts and run around the field, in tennis they shoot balls high into the stands. In essence, the people express the excitement and enthusiasm they have.
Don’t be afraid, my friends, to express your joy, your victory, your new life! Because come this morning, into this evening and again every day after today, you are on the winning team. Live like a winner.
The Journey of a 1,000 Miles Starts With the First Step: The Spiritual Practice of Confession (2/26/2012)
The Journey of a 1,000 Miles Starts With the First Step:
The Spiritual Practice of Confession
By Amanda Iahn
Denial is the opposite of confession. Human beings use denial as a defense mechanism against trauma, pain and vulnerability. In the worst of circumstances, denial is necessary for survival. By denying horrific realities, people are able to endure situations which otherwise might destroy them mentally, emotionally, spiritually or physically. An example of denial used for survival could be a person who is living in a war zone. By denying the danger that continually exists around them, these people are able to continue on with daily life in a somewhat normal manner. Another example of denial used for survival could be a child who is abused from a young age. By disassociating themselves from the abuse they are suffering, they too are able to continue on with daily life in a somewhat normal manner, even though in both cases, reality is anything but normal or safe.
Denial in traumatic situations may be a survival tool to keep on living, but for many of us who are not in such dire circumstances, denial becomes a distorted way of perceiving reality that ultimately inhibits our ability to live full and rich lives with one another and God. At every age, people find themselves unwilling to admit certain realities in their lives. Instead of admitting our problems, we deny, refuse or hide what is actually going on in our lives. We mistakenly think we are protecting ourselves and those around us, but the truth is, all we are doing is bringing darkness and deception into our lives. Some examples of denial that are unhealthy are: pretending a relationship is fine, when in truth, something is wrong; pretending we are happy and satisfied, when in truth, we are unhappy and unsatisfied; pretending we are in control, when in truth, we are enslaved to something that is hurting us.
It is difficult to admit when we are weak or suffering or acting destructively; it is also difficult to admit when someone we know and love is weak or suffering or acting destructively. We are all terrified to reveal our failures, shortcomings and sins. In essence, we are terrified of being vulnerable when being vulnerable means that we are not perfect. But remember, the church is a hospital for sinners, not a museum for saints. When we try to pretend that we are perfect, that we are fine, that there is no sin in us, we lie. As the Scripture says, “If we say that we have not sinned, we make God a liar, and his word is not in us” (1 John 1: 10).
To lie and deny is to walk in the darkness, and walking in the darkness leads to death. As children of God, we are not meant to walk in darkness, but we are called to walk in the light, to live in the light. This is where confession can help us. If the journey of 1,000 miles starts with a first step, then confession is that first step of helping us to become children of light.
So, what is confession? Very simply put, confession is being honest about who you are, about what you think, say and do. The most basic prayer of confession says, “Most merciful God, we confess that we have sinned against you in thought, word and deed, by what we have done, and by what we have left undone.”
St. Alphonsus Liguori writes, “For a good confession three things are necessary, an examination of conscience, sorrow and a determination to avoid sin” (Foster, Richard. Celebration of Disciplines. Pg. 151). That means that confession actually has three steps. First, personal examination and reflection to figure out what is troubling you. Second, admitting that trouble, speaking that trouble. And third, trying to solve that trouble or move away from that trouble.
Confession can happen in at least 3 different ways:
First, there is the corporate act of confessing in Christian community. The prayer is intentionally general so that we can all relate to it in some way, but the important thing is that we come together as one body of Christ, admitting that collectively we have all gone astray.
Second, there is the private act of confessing to God alone. This happens in our moment of silence after the corporate prayer of confession, and also, this is probably what you most often do in your personal prayer time. You come before God in all honesty, and specifically admit your sins and weaknesses.
A third type of confession is an inter-relational act of confessing to a trusted friend. Of all the types of confession, I believe this is the most powerful. For one, it’s specific. One confesses what is truly one’s very own sin. We say, “I have done this…” And second, we bring to the light and to true flesh and blood what is weighing us down. This is not easy. Often, we feel so ashamed of ourselves, and we fear others will judge us. But this is also why it is so freeing. Once you confess, and the person you confess to does not reject you, but forgives and embraces you in the name of God, it is like a great weight being lifted off of your shoulders.
Listen to this testimony by Richard Foster, one of the great spiritual leaders of our time. He writes about an experience he had when pastoring his first church:
“I longed for more power to do the work of God. I felt inadequate to deal with many of the desperate needs that confronted me. There had to be more spiritual resources than I was experiencing. ‘Lord,’ I prayed, ‘is there more you want to bring into my life? I want to be conquered and ruled by you. If there is anything blocking the flow of your power, reveal it to me.’ He did. Not by an audible voice or even through any human voice, but simply by a growing impression that perhaps something in my past was impeding the flow of his life. So I devised a plan. I divided my life into three periods: childhood, adolescence, adulthood. On the first day I came before God in prayer and meditation, pencil and paper in hand. Inviting him to reveal to me anything during my childhood that needed either forgiveness or healing or both, I waiting in absolute silence for some ten minutes. Anything about my childhood that surfaced to my conscious mind, I wrote down. I made no attempt to analyze the items or put any value judgment on them. My assurance was that God would reveal anything that needed his healing touch. Having finished, I put the pencil and paper down for the day. The next day I went through the same exercise for my adolescent years, and the third day for my adult years.
Paper in hand, I then went to a dear brother in Christ. I had made arrangements with him a week ahead so he understood the purpose of our meeting. Slowly, sometimes painfully, I read my sheet, adding only those comments necessary to make my sin clear. When I had finished, I began to return the paper to my briefcase. Wisely, my counselor/confessor gently stopped my hand and took the sheet of paper. Without a word he took a wastebasket, and, as I watched, he tore the paper into hundreds of tiny pieces and dropped them into it. That powerful, nonverbal expression of forgiveness was followed by a simple absolution. My sins, I knew, were as far away as the east is from the west.
Next, my friend, with the laying on of hands, prayed a prayer of healing for all he sorrows and hurts of the past. The power of that prayer lives with me today” (Foster, Richard. Celebration of Discipline. Pg. 149-50).
Confession might be the first step on our journey, but it naturally flows into second and third steps. Forgiveness always follows confession, at least forgiveness from God, and hopefully, forgiveness from people, which is very freeing. The power of being loved even with all of your dirty laundry exposed is liberating. And forgives naturally flows into healing and transformation.
“Confession might begin in sorrow, but it ends in joy. There is celebration in the forgiveness of sins because it results in a genuinely changed life” (Ibid. Pg. 153). We are empowered to break free of our troubles after confession and forgiveness have taken place.
We exist in the valley of darkness until we confess. Upon speaking our truth and opening up honestly to God and neighbor alike, we find ourselves once again in the light. Light pours into our souls when we stop hiding. And in the light, God is free to forgive us and heal us so that we might become changed people, better people, new people.
Thanks be to God who listens to us, forgives us, and heals us because of our Lord Jesus Christ.